BOFH takes on a n00b
Noob: I don’t know how to use Linux! Won’t someone help me?
BOFH: *grumble*grumble* Look, here’s the “man” command, dumbass. It obviously means “MANual”. Get it? Figured you looked too stupid to figure out how to use Linux…
Noob: Um… when I type that, all I get is “What manual page do you want?” How do-
BOFH: Why you rotten little… just how stupid ARE you? Were you born and raised with Windows or something? You type in the command, kernel function, or standard library call in after “man”, just like we’ve done for the past TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OF UNIX. Hello? Have you been paying ANY attention at all, you worthless little Windows runt? If I hear you badmouthing one of the most hallowed and revered of Unix commands again, I’ll-
Noob: So… er… what man command do I use to learn how to burn a CD?
BOFH: (eyes starting to turn red, veins now starting to pop out of head, teeth clenching almost to the point of shattering them by the pressure) You… were… asking… about… MANPAGES… YOU… STUPID… ASSHOLE! What the fuck is WRONG with you? You don’t use man to burn a CD! Where the hell were you raised? In Redmond? I bet you don’t even know what revision of the CD filesystem to use to optimize storage and retain symlinks! As everyone ALREADY KNOWS, ASSHAT, you have to build up an ISO image from on-filesystem objects using the proper options for your image of choice, make sure the appropriate kernel options are compiled in (or, of course, make and install the proper modules via modprobe or insmod, or via the autoloading mechanism which ONLY the uneducated scum use because they don’t know the glories of “pure” Linux from ten or so years ago, the stupid “modern” bastards), THEN you can “burn a CD”, as you so quaintly put it! WHAT PART OF THIS IS NOT OBVIOUS TO YOU?!?
Noob: I…
BOFH: (starting to shake from pure rage) You’re clearly too much of a moron to truly enjoy Linux! GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, WINDOWS USER! OUT! AND TAKE YOUR GODDAMNED “PRETTY” GUI WITH YOU!
Noob: Hey, guess what? In the time it took you to rant about all that, I got my CD burned under Windows and didn’t have a raving insular lunatic insult me. And I was able to do it without having to study the history of an operating system. Sounds like I’m using Windows from now on.
BOFH: *sniff* Why don’t people like Linux? We’re so superior!
